"But Nub, how did a Snow Tiger get on the Appalachian trail? Aren't they only native to India?"
I don't know, I'm not a goddamn scientist. But I shit you not, it was there. Because I'm a noble mountain man who is secure in his Bear Grylls masculinity, I don't believe in killing animals on trail, unless there is an absolute threat to my safety. I'm like Steve Irwin of the Appalachian Trail, minus the death part...so far.
There I was, face-to-face with this Snow Tiger. And I was like, "listen, Snow Tiger, I respect your space and your home. I'm not here to steal your woman, but maybe you should treat her better. I don't know, but I'm not here for that."
Snow Tiger was all like, "I'm gunna make you my snack because I'm not secure in my masculinity and I need to show her who's boss."
And then I was like, "alright dude, I'm taking out my light saber now, so you better be on your way."
And then he was like, "FINE!" and then stormed off and slammed the tree door.
I still haven't shit my pants on trail yet, but I was really fucking close. Now I live another day!
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