On Friday, June 16, Nub reached the Appalachian Trail Conservatory Headquarters in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia, where he mingled his aroma with the fragrance of several other stanky hikers at the thru-hiker center. He signed in as thru-hiker number 824 and had his picture taken for posterity. (It will be published in the thru-hiker "Class of 2017 Yearbook" once the year is passed.) The AT Conservancy HQ is pretty much the midpoint of the AT; 1,200 miles done and a little more than that to go.
Three holer picked Nub up, actually let him into his car, and drove him to a winery where they sampled some pinots and sauvignon blancs. After partaking the fruit of the vine, they meandered to Bare Bottom and pitched a tent. Nub woke up and took a delightful hot shower and Brother made him a delicious breakfast of eggs, bacon, and waffles with whipped cream.
After breakfast, Nub went kayaking down the Shenandoah river and had a few beers while additional hashers arrived at Slime’s Bare Bottom to drink with him and listen to tales of his misadventures and marvel at his hiking gear.
Nub and the others returned from kayaking, meeting up with the rest of the gang, and all went for a hike. We returned, recharged our vessels, and took turns with the blow jobs needed to get the Slimes fleet of rafts and the floating inflatable hot tub nice and firm. Then we trekked down to the river for a long float. Nub received swimming lessons and even learned to float on his back!
The crew returned to Bare Bottom and prepared steaks, more steaks, more meat-inna-bun, baked beans, a spaghetti squash, and corn on the cob for dinner. No re-constituted sodium bombs were consumed and Nub packed it away like only a thru-hiker could before drinking more beers, eating s'mores, and ditching his tent to sleep in the luxurious comfort of an indoor bed.
In the morning, Nub inventoried, sorted, and cleaned his provisions (you don't even want to know) and began organizing his pack. Unfortunately, he found the log and the big rock that some comedian hid in his backpack while people were doing honest labor.
The hashers bid goodbye—for now—to Slime’s Bare Bottom, and Nub hitched a ride back to the Conservatory Headquarters where he flaunted his cleanliness in front of all the other stinky hikers. Amazingly, the thru-hiker sign-in had seen 100 hikers pass through since Nub signed in. We strolled around Harpers Ferry, found the secret gourmet ice cream shop, where Nub revealed to the West Virginian behind the register, "I have no illegitimate children that I'm aware of," and then that if he did, he'd want them to be totally legit.
The group returned to the Conservancy, where I happily managed to tuck a few more stones into Nub’s pack while he wasn’t looking. And with that, Nub walked off into the oppressive heat of a West Virginia summer to continue his grand adventure.
- Fingrgrgrgrgr
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