I have completed the Appalachian Trail

Well guys, I completed the Appalachian trail September 26th.  I would like to say it was a life changing experience, but like, mostly I just walked a lot.

I just want everyone to know I did the entire Appalachian trail so I could visit with Penis Fly Trap's mom and dad and eat at their restaurant, Captain's Fresh Idea in Maine.  I heard you needed to work up a good appetite before eating there, so that's what I did. 

I hiked, I chafed, I finished.

I didn't even die once.

Hanging out with Gary and Becky Hall

Fuck ya, lobster roll

Got a tour of the family photos.  pre-Penis Fly Trap. So virginal.

 

Brief Visit Home 8.22.17

I came back for a brief visit for family reasons and ICHY shaved my head so I could complete trail in a more aerodynamic fashion.  She's a very thoughtful person.   

Survival and Sargasm visit Nub in MA!

On the weekend of July 22nd, Two-Thousand Seventeen, two hashers journeyed as far north as can reasonably be expected to visit our comrade, Nub, before he completes his however many month journey to Maine.

The weekend started with trips to breweries and for ice cream, several under-washed hitchhikers were transported to a suitable location, and much alcohol was consumed before the third of the party arrived. Once the last got in, she snacked and commandeered a bottle of wine to console her after the arduous, yet scenic, journey from Virginia. 

The following morning, Nub decided to take a bubble bath and that his visitors would paint his toenails. However, he quickly decided that he hated the bath and revoked his enthusiastic consent for the nail painting mid-brush stroke. He also lamented being relegated to a tiny cot while the girls slept in the big bed. A short hike to a waterfall commenced, where children were ushered away from the loud visitors as soon as the parents saw them opening a bottle of wine. More alcohol and ice cream were consumed, there was a failed attempt at glitter-bearding, and then the travelers headed back to the farm where they were regaled with stories of farming and cow-catching. They also learned some of the details involved with moving a whole yurt across a small field. All while drinking, playing with power tools, and hearing the many variations of the story of how Nub lost his thumb.

At some point, the party was edumacated on the awesomeness of Rick and Morty, The League, and Drunk History (kinda), fell asleep, and woke up to a real-life escaped cow story!

I'm in Barnard, Vermont!

June 27 - 29 Pennsylvania

When i was planning my hike on the AT Nub thought he would be ahead of me so we did not plan to meet up.  So I was super excited to get the text June 27 that he was in Duncannon, PA.  We met up & like good hashers had a breakfast beer in a park & then headed to Doyles (an infamous thru hiker hostel/bar) to have another while my muggle friend tended to her blisters. At Doyles, Nub lost his phone & then his wallet...so I was very impressed he had made it this far on trail....both were found after some frantic looking. The asshole bartender had taken his phone off the bar & put it behind the bar, the wallet was in the bathroom.....

Things of note:

There are a lot of drugs on trail but Nub is doing this sans any illegal substances!  Very impressive!

He carried a heavy bottle of whiskey all the way so we could have a shot check 1 mile from camp - it made the treck so much more enjoyable!

Words of wisdom from nub:  He said when it's a tough hill he imagines the beer mile & it's the 4th lap...he thinks to himself "If I can finish the beer mile I can do this..."  I thought that was some deep shit ...

We made friends with lots of thru hikers: toothpaste, Bravo, lion hearted, trail magic, ghost, mayhem, old school - really fun to get everyone's story & why they are doing the trail.  Uncle Heather said he came in 4th out of 4 in a drag queen competition in Hagerstown, MD - so he decided he needed to get away!

When we met up he had just crossed the half way point.

We did Duncannon, PA to Swatara Gap, PA together.  Great time!  So proud of our Delicate Flower (Nub's trail name)  My trail name is pita - people found it fitting ....

-PITA

Update 7.12.17 places I've pooped

Location update 7.12.17 Bear Mountain State Park, NY

7.9.17 I pooped here

HA HA, get it! Abandoned car wash

Abandoned hotel that still charges to stay night?

Hotel that charges $25/ night - Doyle in Duncannon PA

It might be garbage, but the bar on the first floor is cheap!

6.30.17 Made friends with other drunks on trail!

7.1.17 Classy bathroom establishment

A mountain man still has needs

June 16 - 18 Recap of Bare Bottom

June 16-18 --- Nub finds Slime’s Bare Bottom
On Friday, June 16, Nub reached the Appalachian Trail Conservatory Headquarters in Harpers Ferry, West Virginia, where he mingled his aroma with the fragrance of several other stanky hikers at the thru-hiker center. He signed in as thru-hiker number 824 and had his picture taken for posterity. (It will be published in the thru-hiker "Class of 2017 Yearbook" once the year is passed.) The AT Conservancy HQ is pretty much the midpoint of the AT; 1,200 miles done and a little more than that to go.

Three holer picked Nub up, actually let him into his car, and drove him to a winery where they sampled some pinots and sauvignon blancs. After partaking the fruit of the vine, they meandered to Bare Bottom and pitched a tent. Nub woke up and took a delightful hot shower and Brother made him a delicious breakfast of eggs, bacon, and waffles with whipped cream.
After breakfast, Nub went kayaking down the Shenandoah river and had a few beers while additional hashers arrived at Slime’s Bare Bottom to drink with him and listen to tales of his misadventures and marvel at his hiking gear.

Nub and the others returned from kayaking, meeting up with the rest of the gang, and all went for a hike. We returned, recharged our vessels, and took turns with the blow jobs needed to get the Slimes fleet of rafts and the floating inflatable hot tub nice and firm. Then we trekked down to the river for a long float. Nub received swimming lessons and even learned to float on his back!

The crew returned to Bare Bottom and prepared steaks, more steaks, more meat-inna-bun, baked beans, a spaghetti squash, and corn on the cob for dinner. No re-constituted sodium bombs were consumed and Nub packed it away like only a thru-hiker could before drinking more beers, eating s'mores, and ditching his tent to sleep in the luxurious comfort of an indoor bed.

In the morning, Nub inventoried, sorted, and cleaned his provisions (you don't even want to know) and began organizing his pack. Unfortunately, he found the log and the big rock that some comedian hid in his backpack while people were doing honest labor.

The hashers bid goodbye—for now—to Slime’s Bare Bottom, and Nub hitched a ride back to the Conservatory Headquarters where he flaunted his cleanliness in front of all the other stinky hikers. Amazingly, the thru-hiker sign-in had seen 100 hikers pass through since Nub signed in. We strolled around Harpers Ferry, found the secret gourmet ice cream shop, where Nub revealed to the West Virginian behind the register, "I have no illegitimate children that I'm aware of," and then that if he did, he'd want them to be totally legit.

The group returned to the Conservancy, where I happily managed to tuck a few more stones into Nub’s pack while he wasn’t looking. And with that, Nub walked off into the oppressive heat of a West Virginia summer to continue his grand adventure.

- Fingrgrgrgrgr